The Ends
by Stefan Twoflower Gagne
Summary: My final Ranma 1/2 story, where Ranma gets a chance to rewrite his life. More or less.


Ranma 1/2 : The Ends  
  
A Spoof Chase Production  
(http://www.maison-otaku.net/spoof)  
  
A Ranma 1/2 FanFic by Stefan "Twoflower" Gagne  
  
(All characters copyright Rumiko-san, obviously. If I ever  
even considered claiming that these were my own characters  
I'd probably be thrown into a small cell where I'd be forced  
to eat my own prozac to live.)  
  
-=-  
  
AUTHOR'S DISCLAIMER AND WARNING! PLEASE READ :   
If you're not in the mood for a hard to prepare meal, why  
not try new Meals-Ready-To-Eat, from your conveniently  
located domestic military power? Not only do they fulfill  
your daily nourishment requirements of vitamins and minerals  
and calories, but they come in conveniently camouflaged,  
easy to store packages. Just the thing for the family on  
the go or the small invasion force seeking a quick bite  
before deposing a tyrant and setting up a democratic system  
of government which will shortly be corrupted by bribery and  
seductive double agents and allow a puppet government to be  
slipped into place so that your homeland can be controlled  
by sinister powers half a continent away and drained of all  
its natural resources, left barren and lifeless as little  
more than a burned out shell of a country! Continuity takes  
place well before volume 38.  
  
  
*  
  
"...and they lived happily ever after," Akane concluded,  
looking up brightly from the paper she held.  
Nabiki was nonplussed.  
"So, did you like it?" Akane asked.  
"No," Nabiki said flatly. "It wasn't realistic."  
"What??"  
"Let me get this straight," Nabiki said, leaning forward for  
that sort of sitting ethos you can only get from invading  
someone's personal space without actually moving your rear. "The  
fighter, the princess, the amazon and the cook are all facing  
down the evil dragon that's terrorizing the land. The fighter's  
curse isn't lifted by killing the dragon, but he decides to go  
ahead and marry the princess anyway. Am I right?"  
"Right."  
"Right. So, they have the wedding, and the amazon and the  
cook and the evil sorceress they ditched a few pages back all  
storm in and stop the wedding... 'AND they lived happily ever  
after'?"  
"Well... see, they're still GOING to get married. Just not  
at that moment then because the others interrupted."  
"But the others still want the fighter to be their husband,  
right?"  
"Right."  
"Right. So... how can they live happily ever after? Nothing  
really changed."  
"Because each of the girls has a partner they'll eventually  
marry, and then they'll leave the warrior alone so he and the  
princess can be wed!" Akane protested.  
"But they still interrupted things," Nabiki noted. "That  
shows they still want him. They're still in love with the prat.   
If anything, they went to NEW violent extremes to try to get him  
away from the princess. What makes you think they'll grow up and  
abandon it later?"  
"It's supposed to be assumed!"  
"I'm just not seeing it," Nabiki shrugged. "Given past  
history? They'll stick to him like glue. So, there's no real  
closure to the story. It doesn't really end, it just keeps going  
like it had been going before. Maybe if you changed the ending."  
"Changed it to what?"  
"You're the one doing the assignment, not me. I've already  
got an A in creative writing. Better figure it out yourself."  
"Oohhh, Nabiki!" Akane grumbled. "Fine! RANMA! How would  
YOU end the story?"  
Both girls turned to look at the noble martial artist,  
currently busy draped across the couch to watch the final episode  
of Maison Ikokku.  
"Hrm?" he asked, looking up.  
"My story for class. How would you end it?" Akane asked,  
waving the paper at him.  
"What story? I haven't been paying attention."  
Fortunately, they would be rerunning that episode in a few  
months, because Ranma wasn't conscious for the big finale.  
  
*  
  
Ranma held the icepack to his head, reading over the  
typewritten pages Akane had told him he'd better read before  
tomorrow or else.  
He had retreated to the roof, supposedly in order to get  
some peace and quiet so he could read Akane's story, but mostly  
because he didn't want anybody watching over his shoulder while  
he did so. Specifically Akane.  
She had been working on the thing for several days now,  
claiming she couldn't make it work out the way she wanted. Often  
Ranma would see her pacing around the house, with that frustrated  
look she often had whenever he had supposedly done something  
wrong and she was angry at him; this time, however, she said it  
was 'writer's block'. Ranma just steered clear of her, and did  
his martial arts, or watched TV, or even just stared at the wall.   
It beat getting involved with the stupid tomboy when she was like  
this, all touchy and stuff.  
Ranma just didn't get why she cared so much about the  
project. It was just schoolwork, after all. He asked once, and  
got his answer (and a mallet as a bonus prize). "You'd know if  
you'd read it, baka!" was her retort. Of course, if he DID read  
it, he'd better have the right response to it, or life could get  
far, far worse for him very quickly.  
Not much choice now, he grumbled. He perused the pages and  
the paragraphs, pondering the plot in a partially perplexed  
poise.  
It seemed to be a basic fantasy story, like you'd see in one  
of those animes where people wave around swords, get into wars  
and yell each other's names in combat scenes. It started with a  
princess, whose rather stupid father was king of a small country  
called Eriman. The father and a king from a country called  
Aotomes had agreed to wed the two families together, and  
introduced the princess to the captain of the guard, the prince  
of Aotomes. A strong, handsome fighter, but the fighter and the  
princess argued a lot even though the princess really liked the  
fighter and hoped he liked her too.  
But then an evil sorceress showed up in a magician's duel to  
try to split them, then a crazy amazon warrior from a jungle  
kingdom, then a cook who apparently was a former girlfriend of  
the fighter, and the princess was constantly worrying that these  
girls would ruin her chance at a happy ending. Lots of stuff  
happened, the group went to the land of Hinac to slay a dragon  
called Usenkyoj that would cure an enchantment on the prince,  
then they had a wedding but it got interrupted and they all lived  
happily ever after.  
Bleah. What kind of a story was that? Like one guy would  
really get all those girls after him, or like one accident after  
another would keep happening. And the ending was weird; the  
girls supposedly had found other guys, but they still wanted the  
fighter? And nobody really got married?  
Ranma was about to decide to go tell Akane she needed to  
work on the thing more, when a moment of clarity hit him upside  
the head.  
It so happens that somehow, the stars aligned at that exact  
moment so that for no scientifically explainable reason, Ranma  
had a burst of logical power beyond his normal facilities that  
enabled him to sit bolt upright, clutching the paper, and exclaim  
in a surprised tone :  
"Hey, wait... this is about US!!"  
  
*  
  
Life began crashing down on Ranma that night like a load of  
life.  
He had just experienced a real eye opener. In seventeen  
double-spaced pages he'd seen his entire life in this town nicely  
summarized, all the problems, all the strife, the good bits and  
the bad bits that always interrupted the good bits, all the fears  
and concerns. And it scared the bejeezus out of him.  
Ranma had never really put much thought to it. Sure, he  
knew in a general sense that his life was more complicated than  
he'd wanted it to be, but the scope of it... the fiancees, the  
rivals, the enemies and fights, looping onto itself time and time  
again with near misses at success and repeated disappointments.  
The effect was akin to walking around with two martinis in  
your bloodstream for a year, then having someone step up behind  
you and stick a needle full of black coffee in your arm.  
Ranma had always figured that as long as he kept himself  
strong, and a good martial artist, and tried not to get killed,  
everything would work itself out nicely. The story was a little  
vague in areas, and tended to favor the princess over the others,  
but it set the rusty gerbil wheel of his mind a-spinny. Of  
course Akane would feel awful about the whole mess, how she'd  
have to worry about the others stealing him away. Of course  
Ukyou would have the conflict of being a friend and a fiancee.   
Of course Shampoo would unrelentingly try anything she could to  
get him. Of course... well, no, Kodachi was an insane freak  
before she met him.  
The vastness of the entire enchilada was staggering. It was  
a tangled maze of hate, love and screwups, twisted into itself  
sixty thousand times, with a little red dot off center and a  
little red arrow and little red words reading YOU ARE HERE and a  
taunting EXIT somewhere a mile away. It was numbing to the core  
to try to grasp it.  
Just to make matters worse, the second wave of his moment of  
clarity hit him a little to the left of the first one, in the  
form of an important, but simple question :  
Now what?  
Akane's story had a proposed ending, where they tried to get  
married. Hogwash! Like he'd marry that uncute tomboy... but,  
well... given the very hypothetical, never-could-happen-but-  
wonder-if situation of him wanting to marry her, would it happen  
this way? Probably. The other girls wouldn't let it go  
uncontested. Maybe they'd even be driven to use bombs and  
weapons and such. That would be... bad. Ranma didn't want that.  
It didn't really solve anything, is the problem. No, not  
the problem, the challenge.  
A challenge!  
Of course! It was a challenge for Ranma to figure out the  
way to get a nice, happy ending for everybody. So maybe there  
could be some peace and quiet and the people he knew would have  
lives they could, well, live with. All his life was preparing  
him for this moment! He WOULD find a solution! Ranma ALWAYS  
wins the fight, even if it takes a few rounds and some trips to  
the emergency room to get there!  
Boldly, Ranma stepped forward into a bright new tomorrow  
with no more indecision and walked directly off the roof.  
  
*  
  
Akane looked up at the entirely too familiar splash, put  
down her shoujo manga and ran into the backyard.  
"Ranma!" she called. "Are you alright?"  
A sputtering, dejected looking Ranma pulled herself out of  
the pond. The papers of Akane's story fluttered the thankfully  
dry ground. Ranma envied them.  
"I'm fine," Ranma said, the surprise and shock of cold water  
having knocked him back to his normally dull senses. "Go heat  
some water, willya? It's freezing out here tonight."  
"Umm... did you..." Akane asked, shuffling her  
bunnyslippered feet nervously.  
"Huh?"  
"You know."  
"No, what?"  
"The story."  
"Oh."  
"Yeah."  
"That?"  
"Uh-huh."  
"Ah."  
Pause.  
"I'm not sure about the ending," Ranma said, in the  
flattest, most honest, most sincere tones she could muster.  
"Really? Neither was I, but... well, I didn't know how else  
to end it," Akane said, with disappointed tones. "I just...  
couldn't figure out anything else."  
"Do you want any help with it?" Ranma asked, wringing out  
her shirt.  
"Help?"  
"You know, with the ending. I'd like to help you find a  
better one."  
"Really?" Akane asked, brightening like a halogen lamp.   
"You've got a better idea??"  
"No."  
"But--"  
"At least, not yet," Ranma noted. "When's the project due?"  
"Not until after the weekend--"  
"Akane, I swear to you on my family name I will have a  
better ending by Monday, so you can finish your story!" Ranma  
declared, in the same tone he normally used in declaring that he  
would kick some princely ass to rescue Akane from whoever  
kidnapped her this time.  
Akane beamed like one of those spotlights they rent out to  
announce the opening of a new supermarket.  
"Six hundred yen says he doesn't make it," Nabiki asided to  
Kasumi, listening from the living room.  
  
*  
  
Ranma had set his Lum alarm clock to wake him bright and  
early the next morning, at 7 AM, so he'd have the entire day to  
devote to the fight. So excited was he that he stayed up doing  
some preliminary thinking, sort of a training session for the  
challenge. He was surprised at how limp and flaccid his mental  
powers were, when he went through some of the Mensa mind  
exercises in the book Nabiki had loaned him. He doubled his  
efforts, determined not to be too weak to face up to this, and to  
become a mean, lean, cognitive machine.  
In other words, he squinted at funny words with lots of  
syllables in them until falling asleep at 3 AM, then got zapped  
by the Lum clock four hours later.  
He slumped, exhausted and spent, into the bathroom where he  
fell asleep with the toothbrush in his mouth for another hour and  
a half before setting out on his new geas, cursing his luck at  
losing time to such a frivolous thing as sleep. He had a  
deadline here and a fight to win, after all.  
Fortunately, in his planning session, he had developed a  
plan. The idea was this; he'd sample the ideas for the end of  
the story from everyone he knew, cleverly masking that he was  
actually trying to solve his life. Then, he'd pick the one that  
sounded best, and go with it. 'Two heads are better than one,'  
the book had said. What could be better than approximately a  
dozen or more heads? Yah, he had this thing LICKED.  
  
*  
  
"Aiya, ending bad!" Shampoo gasped, as she reached the last  
line.  
"Yes, exactly," Ranma nodded enthusiastically. "The problem  
is that it ends up not really making anybody happy, or satisfying  
the goals of--"  
"Amazon no get fighter. Is very bad, yes?"  
"--eh?"  
"Way Shampoo see it," Shampoo said, pointing to the  
offending page, "Girl who really deserve fighter is amazon.   
Amazon stronger, love fighter more. Have legal right according  
to jungle kingdom law! Therefore amazon marry fighter. Is only  
way have happy ending. Way is, not only fighter no get married  
to amazon, but it say that maybe amazon eventually like stupid  
jungle boy with hidden weapon!"  
"But it implies that she really--"  
"She never marry stupid jungle boy. Shampoo get good feel  
for character! Character no do that, not when amazon can marry  
fighter. Yes, that best ending. Ranma like?"  
Ranma's pigtail drooped.  
  
*  
  
"Hmm," Ryouga thought, reading the pages. "Okay, so... the  
rouge barbarian who hates the fighter wants the princess. So why  
doesn't he get the princess?"  
"Because he has the farmer."  
"Yeah, but this barbarian seems to have a good and noble  
heart. He'd never want to hurt the princess, or the farmer, or  
abandon either of them. Especially not to that disgusting  
fighter. So he'd probably not know which way to go."  
"Ryouga, he HAS to marry the farmer. It's just what's going  
to happen, okay?" Ranma said. "That's not the part I wanted help  
on, anyway!"  
"Shut up! I'm trying to look at all the angles here!"  
Ryouga barked. "Okay, okay. Let's accept that the barbarian  
will go with the farmer. If this is right, which doesn't SEEM  
right, the fighter and the princess belong together, anyway; the  
barbarian would see that in the long run. Besides, he does love  
the farmer. That's a happy ending. What's the problem?"  
"Not the barbarian, you pig headed idiot, the FIGHTER.   
What's the fighter going to do? That's the crux of what makes  
the others happy or unhappy! What can he do to make sure  
everything works?"  
"Who cares what the fighter does? He always messes things  
up anyway. It's a comedy gag, right? He can't win. That'll  
never change. You're taking this too seriously."  
Ranma dumped a bucket of water over Ryouga's head and moved  
on.  
  
*  
  
"This ending is all WRONG! The ogre should get all the  
girls and all their underwear, so he can look at his pretty  
ladies all the time, and their--"  
Ranma smashed Happousai over the head. "Why did I even  
BOTHER asking you?!"  
  
*  
  
Ranma slumped into Ucchan's, limp papers in one hand, a loss  
of hope in his eyes and a few cuts and bruises from when he  
suggested to Kodachi that maybe the evil sorceress wasn't  
supposed to win in the end and dominate the earth and crush all  
her enemies.  
He'd gone down the list of everybody who might possibly have  
something sane to say about this. He wrote up the list last  
night, then sorted it alphabetically to keep his mental reflexes  
in shape. A-T had turned up nothing acceptable. His brilliant  
strategy had resulted in half baked theories and selfish answers.   
Now he was on the last person he could think of, in the Us.  
Ucchan. She would know what to do. Ucchan was always a  
good friend; in a lot of ways, she was the ONLY friend Ranma had.   
There was Hiroshi and Daisuke, sure, but they weren't really  
friends, just... people who... happened to be around him  
sometimes. They didn't say much.  
Good old Ucchan. Best buddy Ucchan. Always there to listen  
to him, to give him a hearty, manly slap on the back and keep him  
going. Ucchan would definitely see this clearly and know what to  
do, in a calm, unbiased way. Like a best friend would.  
"Ran-chan!" Ukyou cheered, leaping over the counter and  
running up to give him a big, warm, happy hug. "I'm glad to see  
you! Hey, do you want to have some dinner and go to the movies?   
There's a new Jane Austin adaptation playing!"  
Then again, she was also a fiancee. Funny how folks forgot  
that every now and then.  
"Umm... later, okay, Ucchan?" Ranma said, worming his way  
away from her and onto a seat at the grill. "I've sort of got a  
problem to work out first."  
Ukyou assumed her position of authority behind the primary  
cooking surface. "Go on."  
"It's this story..." he said, handing her the now quite  
wrinkled papers. "Akane wrote it, but she doesn't like the  
ending. Nobody who's read it likes the ending, not even me. So,  
I told her I'd help her think of one..."  
"Hmmm," Ukyou nodded, flipping through the pages. "You want  
my advice, right?"  
"You got it, Ucchan."  
Ukyou plopped a full tray of supreme okonomiyakis with  
Ranma's favorite toppings in front of him. "Eat those, I'll be  
back in a minute."  
  
*  
  
Sixteen minutes and enough okonomiyaki to feed Bangladesh  
later, Ukyou returned, furrowing her brow.  
"Sh, dff yhhahhneea?" Ranma asked.  
"Swallow first, Ran-chan."  
Ranma swallowed. "So, do you have any ideas?"  
"For the story or for your life?" Ukyou asked, smirking.  
Ranma choked violently.  
Ukyou quickly delivered the heimlich, which she often had to  
do when Ranma got a little too enthusiastic about her cooking,  
and everything was back in rights after a moment.  
"My life? Um... what makes you think I was actually asking  
anything like that?" Ranma asked, a little sweatdrop forming on  
the back of his head.  
"Come on, Ran-chan. I'd have to be a total yogurt-head not  
to see it," Ukyou laughed. "This story's obviously a parable  
about your life and your problems, and trying to work a  
conclusion to them."  
"I keep forgetting you score high marks in literature..."  
"Akane wrote this, huh?"  
"Yeah. You're so smart, Ucchan," Ranma smiled, goofily.  
"Not enough, I'm afraid," she sighed. "I've got no idea how  
to end this either. Except maybe to have you and me get married  
then run way the hell away from here to live alone and  
untroubled..."  
"Can't happen."  
"Do you love Akane?"  
Ranma swallowed again. "Eh?"  
"Is that why you're concerned? Do you love Akane, Ran-  
chan...?"  
"I... I just want everybody to be happy, okay, Ucchan?"  
Ranma said. "That's what I want. So everybody is happy, Akane,  
you, everybody. If I marry Akane, Shampoo, you, Ko... you...  
someone ends up unhappy. There's got to be a way around it,  
right? I can't just run away from it, either."  
"I didn't figure you would. Sorry... it was just a thought.   
I had to check."  
"Check."  
"Hmm. So, the question is of the future," Ukyou said,  
scratching her chin thoughtfully. "What to do for the happy  
ending. You need professional help, Ran-chan."  
"I don't need to see some head shrink, Ucchan."  
"No, no, professional help about the FUTURE..."  
  
*  
  
Once upon a time, there was a new girl at Furinkan High.   
Like any new student, she wanted to make a good impression, and  
the best way to do that was to impress the students. So, she did  
some tarot card readings to amaze the natives.  
In fact, Miyo was involved in Ranma's life at one time.   
Shortly after her arrival in school, she had predicted Akane and  
Ranma's wedding. It turned out Happosai was dying (she predicted  
that, too) and Soun and Genma agreed to marry the two before he  
departed this world.  
However, in the end, Happosai recovered, the two didn't  
marry and everybody laughed except the people involved, and life  
went back to its daily routine. This actually happened, and  
those who know would verify it.  
"I think maybe you should see Miyo again, Ranma," Ukyou had  
suggested. "It's been awhile, so you might not remember her, but  
I recall Akane telling a friend of hers who told me about Miyo's  
powers. She's psychic. She's into all that new age stuff, and  
predicting the future. What you need, Ran-chan, is a  
professional expert about time and space."  
"You really believe all that stuff? I mean, it's just a  
bunch of 1-900 number fake--"  
"Ran-chan. I'm engaged to a sex changing martial artist  
with a magic chinese curse who's tangled with mystical creatures  
of legend and been under a thousand and one enchantments,  
potions, curses and pressure points whose results seem  
miraculous. Somehow, I think I can swallow someone who can read  
the future. Besides, it can't hurt, right?"  
That led Ranma to the phone book, which lead him to the  
phone, which resulted into a quick phone call confirming that she  
wasn't busy today and would be happy to lend a hand, which  
finally placed him at her doorstep.  
"Hello," Miyo greeted, opening the door a full two seconds  
before he had a chance to ring the bell. "I've been expecting  
you."  
  
*  
  
Ranma peeked curiously at the piles of random mystic  
doodads, lurking on dusty shelves around Miyo's room.  
Her mother had greeted Ranma quite nicely, and gave Miyo  
some words of encouragement about making new friends. The girl,  
whose strange eyes turned with annoyance at her mother, quietly  
hustled Ranma off to her workroom in the basement after that.   
She only went back upstairs to fetch some lemonade.  
"Is there something wrong?" Ranma asked.  
"It's mom," Miyo sighed. "She's worried I don't have any  
friends. The last time I really got to know anybody was back  
when I was helping Akane with the old man..."  
"Yah, I remember that," Ranma lied.  
"Of course, you have lots of friends, right?"  
"Actually... um."  
"Yes?"  
"I'm not sure I have any," Ranma said sheepishly. "No  
really solid good friends, I mean. Ryouga's friendly, at least,  
when he's not trying to kill me... Ucchan is friendly when she's  
not trying to date me... Hiroshi and Daisuke are friendly when  
they're not just hanging around in the background or asking me if  
I can spare a girl or two..."  
Miyo tapped her table. "Sounds complicated."  
"Actually, I have the Reader's Digest version right here,"  
Ranma said, passing the dogeared pages to the fortune teller.  
Miyo accepted the papers curiously. "This is...?"  
"It's a story," Ranma said. "A.. a person I know wrote it.   
It's sort of a parabola."  
"Parable."  
"Yah, one of those. It's LIKE my life, only, it's not my  
life. You know."  
Miyo nodded, and began to read. Ranma sat down in a rickety  
folding chair at the card table, which had been topped with a  
nice blue silk cloth, with a large crystal ball in the center.   
He squinted, trying to look inside it, but it wasn't a clear  
crystal, it was one of those murky ones like you had accidentally  
poured milk into rubber cement and frozen it, only without the  
smell.  
Time passed.  
"So, you predict the future?" he asked, conversationally.  
"Uh-huh. It's a hobby."  
"Didn't you predict Akane and I would get married within the  
week that time?" Ranma said, from Ukyou's memory.  
"Uh-huh."  
"But... we didn't."  
"The future isn't set," Miyo explained, putting down the  
story for a moment. "It's dynamic."  
"It explodes?" Ranma gaped.  
"No, no. Dynamic. That means it changes a lot, according  
to whatever the conditions are... the future is just whatever the  
present will be given the past in the future."  
"Uhhh."  
"In layman's terms, nobody knows for sure. You can just see  
what MIGHT happen," Miyo said. "Things might have turned out  
that you were married that week, and the old man might have  
died."  
"That would have been swell," Ranma nodded, not indicating  
what part was the swell part.  
"Anyway, what I can do for you is show you what could happen  
in the future. There's a lot of possibilities. Maybe you'll see  
one you like, and can work to get it."  
"Great! When do we start?"  
"Now would be fine," she smiled. "I read fast. I must say,  
you live in interesting times."  
"Huh?"  
"If I didn't know any better, I'd say someone was  
manipulating this," she said. "Normal people don't live like  
this. They don't have these problems, at least, not in this  
scale. Fate is dynamic but it can be shaped in ways... like if  
some god was watching over you, and turning chance so all of this  
developed."  
"Umm... you mean someone's making my life miserable? On  
PURPOSE?" Ranma gaped. "What kind of sadistic bastard..."  
Miyo laughed. "Ranma, I'm kidding. Obviously that's not  
the case! Nobody has that kind of power, not for real. And if  
they did, they wouldn't use it so irresponsibly."  
"...oh. Okay. So, um, the future?" Ranma smiled nervously.  
Miyo nodded, and turned off the lights in the room.  
  
*  
  
Hands waved over the crystal ball, lit only by the candles  
set up in ritual patterns. Miyo chanted in a low tone, eyes  
closed in concentration.  
Other than that, nothing was happening.  
Ranma fidgeted nervously. "Umm..."  
Miyo sagged, letting go of the ball. "It's not working. I  
can't get a clear picture of your future. Maybe the ball isn't  
in harmony with you, or the power is weak today, or maybe it's  
the cold..."  
"So it's on the fritz?"  
"In a way."  
Ranma smiled, then leaned across the table, and delivered a  
sharp blow to the side of the crystal. It flared with light  
briefly, then turned completely transparent.  
Miyo blinked.  
"It works on the TV," Ranma shrugged.  
"Uh. Right. It seems to be in harmony now," she smiled.   
"So, whatever works. Now, you have a question about the future.   
Touch the ball. Concentrate, and ask."  
Ranma reached forward, pressing his fingertips to the cold  
surface of the crystal. He focused. This was important to him.   
Akane was upset, she wrote this story as the only way she could  
express her feelings, and gave it to him... to help find an  
ending. He had to find the ending. He had to make Akane happy.  
All his life led to this moment. The brink of truth, where  
the ocean of reality lapped at the shores of time. This was the  
moment. He would know now.  
"What do I do to solve my problems and have everybody live  
happily ever after?" he asked.  
A little blue triangle bobbed to the crystal's surface.  
'ANSWER UNCLEAR - ASK AGAIN LATER.'  
After Miyo helped Ranma off the floor and batted his cheeks  
until he returned to his senses, they resumed their places at the  
table.  
"It didn't work," Ranma said, stating the obvious with an  
air of wisdom.  
"You can't ask that specific of a question about the  
future," Miyo said. "This isn't a cartoon. You need to... to  
feel for the shape of the future. To sense all the shapes, and  
try to guide them slowly, in little amounts. Start smaller.   
I'll help."  
"Okay. Okay, I think I understand," Ranma nodded. He  
touched the ball again, and focused, perhaps a little less  
enthusiastically. He concentrated. What if he found some way to  
marry Akane without anybody knowing?  
And everything became foggy and cool.  
  
Soun wasn't pleased at the wedding arrangements. He  
wanted his daughter married in a large family ceremony, for  
all the world to see.  
Nobody told him they'd have to hide in the basement of  
the Saotome house, across town from the dojo, and post  
guards at the door to make sure no uninvited guests showed  
up.  
Ranma looked around nervously. The day was no picnic  
for him either. He had to rent a tux in another city, to  
prevent any word from getting back to Nerima. He snuck into  
this building, while female and in a heavy overcoat and  
really big floppy hat, all to prevent anybody from looking.   
But he was almost SURE Sasuke had spotted him. It wouldn't  
be long before the invasion commenced.  
"Marriage is a sacred institution," the priest said,  
droning on continually. "It must be taken in all  
seriousness, and engaged in non-lightly; for together, for  
the rest of your lives, you will support each other and--"  
"Can we get the lead out, father?" Ranma asked quietly.   
"We need to hurry before they show up."  
Akane nodded. Despite the stunningly beautiful wedding  
gown, she had the nervous twitch of someone expecting  
impending doom any minute now.  
"Do you have the ring?" the man said, skipping forward  
in his little book while a distant rumble could be heard.  
Before Ranma could start to pat his pockets, the door  
exploded inward, and every fiancee he'd acquired stormed in,  
all shouting forms of 'I Object.'  
  
Ranma blinked, waving the fog away from his eyes. "No, no...  
that's not going to work. *COUGH* Stupid crystal..."  
Miyo set up an electric fan, and cleared the table of any  
remaining mystic smoke. "It's a possibility, however. You did  
enquire..."  
"I know, I know. Can I try again?"  
"Of course."  
"Good. Now, then... ball, show me... umm..."  
"Try just thinking it. It works better that way,  
sometimes."  
Ranma grumpily thought that perhaps things would be better  
if he just left town, and settled down to phrase the question to  
the--  
  
"The national manhunt continues," the TV reporter  
announced, "For the lost Saotome boy. Feared kidnapped, or  
at the very least not wearing proper outdoor clothing  
according to his mother's worries, we--"  
"Akane, he WILL come back," Kasumi smiled. "It's just  
a matter of time. In the meantime, why don't you put away  
the wedding dress?"  
"No. No. No," Akane repeated, left eye twitching. "I'm  
going to be ready when he gets back. RIGHT when he gets  
back."  
"She's right, Akane," Nabiki nodded. "If the cops  
don't find him, Shampoo's cousins will. I've never seen so  
many armed women in one place before. Of course, if THEY  
find him, they might detour to China before coming here, if  
at all..."  
Akane twitched.  
"I'm sure they'll bring him right back," Kasumi smiled  
absently. "Say, where is Ukyou?"  
"She's still holed up in Ucchan's," Nabiki shrugged,  
disinterestedly. "Something about not wanting to see light  
of day until Ranma's safe and sound. Although she DID walk  
out onto the ledge on the second floor of her restaurant  
yesterday. Good thing Dr. Tofu talked her out of jumping."  
"Oh my."  
  
"GAAAH!" Ranma yelped. "NO! That's bad. Very very bad.   
Okay. Running's out. Umm..."  
Miyo patted Ranma's shoulder. "Keep trying. It's unusual,  
but sometimes it does take a few tries to get an acceptable  
answer."  
"Right. Hey, you think this would be easier if I could cure  
my curse first?--"  
  
"At last! The cure!" Ranma said, holding the bottle of  
chinese magic over his head. "Now I can be a full man!" And  
marry Akane as a full man, he thought to himself quietly.  
Ranma uncorked the bottle, and poured it over his head.   
At first it seemed nothing had happened. Then he noticed  
the girl standing next to him.  
"YAAA!" Ranma yelled, as did the redheaded, pigtailed  
girl.  
"You're me!" they shouted at each other.  
"No, I'M me!"  
"Am not!"  
Then they got into a fight. Fortunately, the shock  
didn't last long. Then the identity crisis set in as the  
male Ranma was gleefully accepted to be Ranma, and the other  
Ranma had to settle for being 'Ranko' and learning how to be  
a woman while Ranma stole her life.  
  
Miyo turned the fan on HIGH, to blow the extra smog effects  
out of the way.  
"That was... odd," Ranma said. "Very odd."  
"Is being a girl that bad?" Miyo asked. "Looks like the  
cure could be worse."  
"Given the choice? The curse would be better. I mean, what  
if I got turned into a girl full time? It'd be awful. I'd have  
to worry about all sorts of girl stuff, and I couldn't mar..  
um.."  
Miyo laughed. "You could get pregnant like a girl."  
Ranma's eyes widened in horror--  
  
"My own son, a freak of nature! Why did this have to  
BE?!" Genma bawled, tears soaring like Niagra Falls.  
"Dad! I was hoping you'd be supportive..." Ranma said,  
rubbing her belly. "I mean... I want to have this baby.   
I'm going to."  
Nodoka loomed behind them, katana raised. "If my son  
doesn't want to be a man..."  
  
"I don't think I want to use this ball anymore thank you,"  
Ranma babbled, gripping the table.  
"I understand," Miyo nodded, knowingly. "I'll turn it off."  
She waved her hands in a complex pass over the ball, and  
chanted.  
Nothing was happening.  
"Nothing's happening," Ranma commented.  
"Something's wrong," Miyo said. "It's still making smoke.   
It won't turn off. How many possible futures COULD you have?"  
"Maybe we should get out of here before--"  
  
Ranma yawned, and got out of bed. He was spent, from  
the night's activities, and more than a little sore. But it  
kept them happy, so he persevered.  
Careful not to wake Akane, Shampoo or Ukyou, he got up  
and went to brush his teeth--  
  
"Run! It's overloadi--"  
  
Ranma's head hung low, as he sat in front of the bar,  
untouched whisky glaring at him. Too long, he had waited  
too long. He made them wait too long for him to make up his  
mind, to take action. Shampoo found a legal loophole that  
let her go home and sadly took that course. Ukyou tried to  
hang on as his friend, but who was she kidding? She wanted  
to be more than friends. Now she drank as much as him, to  
keep from thinking about it.  
And Akane... she always was the one to act before  
thinking. Even with decisions that she'd pay for with the  
rest of her lif--  
  
Ranma screamed. For obvious reasons.  
  
Now that Shampoo had died in that boating accident,  
life was simpler. Akane relaxed more, since she saw Shampoo  
as far less fair in her crusade to win Ranma, and formed a  
truce with Ukyou; no fighting until he makes up his mind.   
Which he had to do. But he loved Akane dearly, and even  
loved Ukyou... both now were treating him well and trying to  
be there for him. But how could they understand? He  
couldn't make this decision alone. He'd have to--  
  
Ranma sat in meditation with the ancient, venerable  
Chinese monk he had spent six months tracking down.   
Reportedly the wisest man alive, he would surely know what  
to do. He'd better, after making Ranma sit in one place for  
a week while the monk pondered the problem.  
Finally, he spoke.  
"Once there was a group of people with your problem,"  
he said. "The oni, the letch and the girl. They went to  
the land of possible futures, the void of doors, and were  
each given an opportunity to create an ideal future in the  
form of a doorknob. Several of them discovered that they  
could not create their ideal futures without dire  
consequences. One which worked, however, was the one where  
nothing had changed, and when the group had grown up, they  
were still locked in the similar situations they were in  
today. This was the girl's ideal outcome. And the creator  
smiled, as this is what was intended."  
Ranma gaped. "How is THAT a solution??"  
The monk shrugged. "You tell me. I only work here."  
Ranma hit the monk with a mallet and left. Now what?   
He'd have to--  
  
Fortunately Ranma had a long lost brother who had a  
fetish for flatware as well, and got along good with Ukyou.   
Ryouga and Kodachi showed up to beat him up after that old  
fiasco, but they got along well, and things were okay.   
Except that somehow something wasn't quite--  
  
After the tuna fish mishap--  
  
Ranma paced in a little circle before the three girls,  
nervous and jittery.  
"Ukyou... Shampoo... Kodachi. I have a confession to  
make, and you're not going to like it," Ranma said, saying  
his last prayers. "I... I love Akane. And we want to get  
married. And I decided I'm going to be honest with you  
about it, and ask, please... don't interfere. I care  
about.. most of you but I have to marry Akane. I love her.   
Oh, and please don't kill me."  
"Okay! Shampoo go back to China now," Shampoo smiled.   
"Ranma lucky that if proclaim love for another on day of  
solar eclipse, it sign from god saying it not meant to be!   
Shampoo know good sign when see. Shampoo miss Ranma, but  
maybe find good man back home as good as Ranma, yes?"  
"Hey, Ran-chan, it's okay!" Ukyou smiled. "It's not  
like I'm gonna go kill myself or something. I'm a modern  
girl, I can handle this. I mean, it's disappointing, but  
I'm still your friend, right?"  
"Hai... we're friends," Ranma beamed. "I'd love to  
have you as a friend, Ucchan."  
"Then we'll be best friends. So don't worry!"  
"My, am I glad I'm on that new prescription of  
thorazine!" Kodachi laughed, a sane, simple laugh. "I'd  
probably have wanted to kill you if not. I wish you and  
your dear wife well, Ranma. If you'll excuse me, I have  
more charity work to go do in the community."  
"Wow, this is GREAT!" Ranma cheered.  
"Well... there's one problem," Ukyou said, faltering.  
Ranma paused.  
"They won't let you have this future," Ukyou sighed.   
"Nobody will."  
"Wh..what?!"  
"I'm sorry, Ran-chan, but we're... what we are. You  
can't win. That'll never change. It's not allowed that--"  
  
"STOP IT! STOP IT!"  
"I don't know how to stop the ball!"  
"Not the ball, it! Everything! Who--"  
  
Ranma died, and the other fiancees mourned.  
  
Akane and Ranma got married, then passed all their  
problems onto the next generation, their children; who had  
the same problem to face without change.  
  
Ryouga and Akari got married but Akane decided she  
loved Ryouga, and pined after him forever.  
  
Shampoo and Ukyou got married and Akane married  
Gosunkugi, and Ranma was left alone and very confused about  
what the hell had happened.  
  
Everybody died when the giant flying saucer that parked  
over Tokyo on July 3rd blew up Tokyo Tower with the green  
death ray.  
  
Ranma married Ryouga after being locked into girl form,  
and Akane went off with Kunou. Akari was left to tend to  
her pigs alone.  
  
Shampoo managed to enchant Ranma to only love her, and  
they married. The other girls spent the rest of their lives  
trying to rescue him from the magic.  
  
Nodoka killed Ranma for not being a man, and a fiancee  
or two while she was at it.  
  
Ranma was beaten severely by Akane, day in and day out,  
until he and his only friend were killed at her hands.   
  
A stranger showed up in town who won Nabiki's heart and  
got Ranma and Akane married and everybody was happy except  
that it wasn't possible.  
  
Ranma and Ukyou evolved beyond friendship but Akane  
never really found peace.  
  
Every end, every way around, every way out left more  
problems to worry about and more people whose lives got turned  
upside down. An infinite realm of possibility that limited  
itself to the finite realm of things that weren't acceptable, not  
to Ranma, as wave after wave hit him of--  
  
Ranma faced his captor, after a long, gruelling search.   
But things weren't going as planned.  
"You can't be serious. You want WHAT?"  
"You heard me!"  
"No way. What were you expecting? Honestly, Ranma,  
get real. There's a reputation to maintain. It'll keep  
going this way because I want it to, and it'll end how it'll  
end."  
"Don't I get a say in this?? What makes you get to  
decide? What makes ANY of you get to decide?"  
"Oh, please. You're not real. So who cares what you  
have to say?"  
  
And it ended.  
  
Miyo looked up, panting from the effort of swinging the  
mallet. Crushed glass sprayed out from where the crystal ball  
was.  
Ranma sat on the floor, mind blurred, but slowly recovering.   
He felt to make sure he still had his hands, and yes, they were  
there. He looked at Miyo to make sure he still had his eyes.  
"I think," she said, "You should go home now."  
  
*  
  
Ranma slumped his way back to the dojo, well into the  
evening. His eyes puffed from exhaustion, muscles weak from the  
brush with probably the most unusual paranormal experience he'd  
had since the last paranormal experience he'd had.  
Locked into the visions inside Miyo's ball, he had seen the  
twisted maze of problems and pitfalls, with the little red dot  
reading YOU ARE HERE, the night before. And now he had seen  
every way out but the way to the exit that he was hoping for.  
It was mind blowing. He couldn't hold onto all of it,  
because it gnawed at him, drove him to realize that... that this  
position, this situation, might actually be unsolvable. That  
however he had gotten here, whoever had put him here, never  
really bothered to think of a way out; at least, not a way out  
that would realistically work for everybody concerned. A million  
answers, all false. Hours spent locked in sync with the  
crystal's vision, without a single tolerable, workable outcome.   
He probably wouldn't be here if Miyo hadn't managed to smash the  
bloody thing.  
Overall, Ranma thought, this had been a really lousy day.  
He reached the doorstep of the Tendo residence, and  
mechanically kicked off his shoes. He walked inside.  
Akane was waiting for him.  
"Ranma?" she asked. "You look... you look like hell."  
"I'm aware," Ranma said, tired. "Akane?"  
"Yes, Ranma?"  
"About your story..."  
"Did you--"  
"I know the ending," Ranma said. "It's not much of one, and  
I wish I could make it longer, but it's the only thing I could  
really be sure of. At least, it's what I'm hoping for..."  
With that, he whispered it in her ear.  
Akane stepped back... then nodded. And stepped forward to  
give Ranma a big hug. She knew this would be the way, really.   
Somehow, they'd just have to tough it through... together.  
  
And they lived happily ever after.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
The end.  
  
*  
  
AUTHOR'S CLOSING.  
  
Five months and no writing. Not one word. I was beginning  
to think the well was dry for good this time, which would suck  
since I'm supposed to be doing an HTML-based novel for three  
credits next semester.  
Inspiration comes in funny places. In this case, it was  
talking with Sean Gaffney and Zen. I expressed to them concern  
that I had fallen out of the fanfic scene, so they pointed me to  
their most notorious works. After I had a nice lie down to  
recover from Zen's (brilliant, brilliant, but painfully  
depressing work) I got the inspiration to write this story.  
Now, couple points I think I'll make while I'm back in the  
fold for the time being :  
  
1. You know? I really don't care if it's pretentious or corny,  
or surreal beyond normality. I like this one. I'm not  
going to put a 'Disclaimer' in front of any more stories  
warning people that they might be upsetting, or strange, or  
otherwise naughty; these are my words and I'll stand by them  
rather than playfully decry them to cover my ass. A trend  
I'd love to see in other authors, including Lemon authors.   
Be proud of your work.  
  
2. The literary minded might want to scour this sucker for  
layers of stuff going on. Despite years of English classes  
begging me to find symbolism and meaning in the great novels  
of man, I had been basically oblivious to the idea of wheels  
within wheels and something working on multiple levels...  
until I took a Film Analysis course at UMD. Wow. The  
amount of stuff going on even in seemingly simple movies is  
staggering. (I figured Aliens was just an action movie; ho  
ho, was I wrong.) I've tried to adopt this theory of  
telling a basic fictional story and entertaining WHILE  
putting in subtext that hints at greater, more philosophical  
things -- sometimes subtle, sometimes painfully blatant.   
But it beats a flat comedy peice.  
  
3. Thanks go out to my noble proofers George "Hollister" Holt,  
David Tai, Jeff Hosmer (who showed me the Miyo episode...  
it's real! Episode 39, recently Vizzed), Lee Thompson, Sean  
Gaffney, and others. It's good to be back.  
  
Anyway, thanks for reading. It's been a trip for me and  
hopefully you. It might be another five months before the next  
fanfic, but since I got THIS one done against all odds and common  
sense -- I didn't even figure on writing a fanfic from 7pm to 2am  
when I woke up today, I figured I'd just go play skeeball and  
call it a day -- maybe we'll see some more fics / thinly  
disguised metaphorical commentary from me. I don't wanna jinx  
it, so I won't say WHAT, but I'll give it a go.  
To other aspiring writers out there, I say one thing; strive  
to be fresh and original. Even if you get weird doing it, push  
outside the standard fare and achieve originality. It's a rush  
beyond comprehension, understanding or Mountain Dew.  
  
-Stefan "Twoflower" Gagne  
-August 4th, 1997  
-2719 Skeeball Tickets and Counting.  
  
  
PS - I'll be at Otakon '97 in a few days (or less or negative  
numbered days, if the moderators are slow :) so if you'd like to  
talk to me about this fanfic or fanfic in general, I'll be in  
either the Skeeball Wizard t-shirt or the Caffeine Nicotine  
costume. I'll be at the fanfic panel, too.  
 


End file.
